Ned the Red Bed Thief Died

There's a thief in the bed

Who painted it red

Dropped down quite dead

He was called Ned.

Render Mon

Zebidee Jones (@zebideejones) tweeted at 11:45pm - 4 Jul 13:

Render me breathless

Intuitively restless

Remind me of generous

Hazel eyes heaven express. 

sent from somewhere over here.......

You know?

Ye men over here

Ye women over there

Why shame yourselves with cloth

Remove your daubs and

Hug each other for those

That can live and let love

You know me?

Ye men over here 

Ye women over there 

Return your alcohol tears

Remove your eyes

Remove your hair

And stab your victims clear

You know me?

Ye men over here 

Ye women over there 

Lets swim in sand by the pier

Your slicing knife said sorry to your wife

To me your end is near.

You know me now?

Remain near me, but i will see

Nothing of the velvet

You cleaned him with and 

Covered with him

Please put away my helmet

You all know me now....?

Drunken Bust

Drunken Bust

Drunken bust

Of stereo

Twins that must

Remind you so

Of trickling water

Tally ho

So it must end

In glittered bars

Rev me up

My petrol car... 

Sea gull. Afterthought @zebideejones

@zebideejones: Picture this... a seagull standing proud, one foot on a battered cod, tattoos, chest puffed up, a hunters proud moment, chipshop, onlookers.


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Errant Chap

There is an errant chap
Who races here
And races there
He doesn't sweat
and he doesn't flap
Just chunters along
On a rata tap tapa chat cat
Typewriting left
Typewriting right
Isn't very fat
He's ever so slight
With the energy of 5 children
caffeine speed freak all night

 
But he doesn't ever fret
And he doesn't ever flap
Just bundles along
On a rata tap tapa
rata chat slap dap
tappa Lap Nap
Wonders why he's been here
Before with a hat on
Just 1 fleeting thought
One of over a million
As he processes his seconds
That he rules like his minions
A drop in his time
Only one out of billions.

Mr Babof

Oh mr babof

Why dont we fly off

Why dont we fall along the edge

Of a cloud inside your liver, oh mr babof

sent from somewhere over here.......

Neon J

A portrait of my son

The second one

An image of me

And my family

sent from somewhere over here.......

Blue Ribbons

Blue Ribbons

I accept that your blue ribbon
Falls across your neck
Blue snakes coiled and
Platted through your long grass
Your chest undulates once
As though the subsidence
Fell to order via a female
Sergeant Major, 'drop, halt'
Drilling your chest and
Slipping her drill baton
Beyond the displacement
Of earth and into your natural
Ditch, lucky bitch, swollen
Bloody pitch of bramble
Trail your ribbons once again
Snake your way through sex
Rub your shambles
Slip through your ditch
The land below your neck.

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When Your Here

When Your Here

Well I haven't seen you lately
And I haven't seen you here
And you haven't been here waiting
When you've never been so near

And I feel
And I feel
When your near
When your here

(Stop)

If I could not see the water
Flowing torrents in your tears
Could only see I fought her
So I couldn't see her fear

And I feel
And I feel
When your near
When your here

(Solo break)
(Chorus)
(Stop)

Well you cannot see me shaking
When you sleep here on my bed
So I leave here when your waking
The only way I can defend

The Way I feel
And I feel
When your near
When your here

(Solo)
End
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Kate the Slippery Seahorse

Kate the Slippery Seahorse

Yeah won't be home
till late at this rate,
Lost my phone on roam
oh please what's my fate,
Never this tardy
Nor at this rate
She will be mardy
When I will be late,
She will have to be hardy
oh my, oh my,
Said hapless Laurel
oh what a state,
Ethical or moral?
oh what a fate
Who will be blamed
I will be, I will be
I will be shamed
If I'm late at this rate,
And will I be named
When I miss my date,
With the horse...
if I am late at this rate,
Did I say Horse?
to meet the good looking Kate
Don't tell her I said that
on our date but,
She smells like a cat
She will at this rate
Then scurry like rats
Then I'll be late,
If I don't
oh my... what...
I shan't and I wont
Be in a late date state,
Will I quiver and shake
When I'm late for Kate,
if I am late at this rate,
Will she take the bait
Like a fish in a fake
Net.. is it one of my traits,
chips salt, shake and bake
how will I wipe the slate,
With a tongue like a snake
oh mate what a state...
So let her eat cake
do you think it was fate
Will she be upset
that I should be late
She'll hiss it I bet
I'll leave Kate quite late
in a slippery state about
our late dinner date,
And who'll have the shout
When she's on all fours
about being late with clout.
Not me... and certainly not the horse.

viewfromthebag

...the band

sent from somewhere over here.......

Mother of my Children zjart

The Martial Artists (childrens story in verse)

The little white mouse sat and stared

at a wall in a big old house,

just a small crack in the skirting

perfect size for a single mouse.

With a pencil and flat paper

a rolled up measuring tape

he checked the small dimensions

for his tiny white mousey shape.

This place might just be perfect

with some paint and tiny nails

when along came a rat with

a pink wormlike, very long tail.

The rat sat and pondered

holding his super sized limb,

‘you cannot live in there’ he said,

'the nasty cat would find him.

If the pussy doesn’t get you

Then the humans here sure will

with traps, deadly rodent poison

they might even call Rentokil!

They will leave a chunk of cheese

and some crumbs upon a trap,

then wait for a little while

just to hear it go……. SNAP!’

‘not to worry’ said the mouse,

‘many thanks for the tip,

now how do you do sir rat

you can call me Mr Chip…’

‘Oh think nothing of it!’

said the colourful young rat

whilst scratching his lengthy tail,

tipping his bright purple hat.

‘The name’s Cederick La Fleur

and how do you do…

I have a lovely little studio

near the paint and the glue.’

So Chip followed Cederick

with a skip and a hop,

through the lounge and the kitchen

to his little workshop.

‘we have arrived at my place,’

said La Fleur with glee

‘its a bit of a mess…

I am an artist you see!’

Cederick spoke very trendy

said ‘hey man look a round’

whilst he chattered and pointed

telling Chip what he’d found.

There were wood saws and hammers

there were tools all around,

some screwdrivers and spanners

near some wood that was bound

Some tacks and long nails

tap, knock, hammer them through

but when all fixings fail

there’s the paint and the glue.

Chip tip toed through squinting

wiped his feet on the mat

saw great paintings and  sculptures

of mouse traps and big cats!

‘Oh my!’ and ‘oh dear!,

why do you paint things like that?’

‘Well its terribly fashionable’,

pointed out Cederick the rat.

‘I am known by collectors,

all the galleries for sure…

they all know the great name of

young Ceddy La Fleur!’

‘I sell to the Rich and the Famous’

‘Valuable?’…‘erm,  oh yes very,

in fact my best customers

are Micky and Jerry!’

‘I do not know those mice at all?’

said Chip, wide-eyed with dismay,

'I’m not really into celebrities

Nor fashion these days…’

‘Don’t worry’ Ceddy told him

‘now that doesn’t really matter…

your welcome to stay a while

for some tea and a natter…'

So they settle down at Ceddy’s

for some tea and cheesecakes,

they talked cats and dogs

French fromagery makes.


Continued...

Now you could be my lodger sleep by the paint and the glue we will have lots of fun cos there’s plenty here to do!’ ‘That’s super, smashing, great’ Chip said ‘I will move in right away, I will clean, tidy, scrub Bristol fashion, ship shape!’ ‘Superb!’ said young Ceddy ‘I have a live in Chum!’ and measured up the mouse with his little brown thumb. ‘I need an art assistant a hand that you could lend.’ with a shake of the claws they agreed and were friends. ‘Now there is only one thing, a cat lives round the corner just a quick friendly warning she’s savage and ginger! It’s the scary feline model for my sculpture and paintings keep out of the way when she’s salivating…’ ‘Not to worry’ said Chip, ‘I happen to know some Kung Fu The Way of the Ancient Hamster and throwing my shoe!’ Chip revealed all his secrets never known by any another the time spent in China being trained by his mother! ‘I lived there many years Fan Yen Fooey was my mum, she was eating fortune cookies When I fell from her tum!’ The cookies predicted Chip will be a very special boy A mini martial artist No fluffy feline toy! ‘I am known as Mr Chip Wong Fooey The Crown White Mouse Master’ I am hard as iron nails No oriental is faster!’ So the pair began a plotting On fat cat domination to stop the vicious tabby, for artistic salvation! Before they finished planning A purr vibrated through them The pad of ragged paws…… ‘PANIC stations’ in tandem. ‘Run into the workshop, And bolt up the door!’ They jumped under the table And lay on the floor… ‘must face up to that cat,’ said Chip pale faced… '…I was caught by surprise, and my little heart raced…. I will run out of the door, use my mums secret chop, the ‘Exploding Cheese’ strike will make moggy drop!’ ‘tremendous’ voiced Ceddy, ‘get out my brushes, canvas, paint I will capture you in action should be one of the greats.’ ‘A David and Goliath, or George and the Dragon! I will sell it at auction We can buy a Volkswagen!’ Excited the duo spied through the workshop wall to see if the cat was outside, if she was out there at all. Licking great big paws clawing hard at the mat a fully flabby, feline fortress, warlike savage tabby cat! ‘Come on out my little rodents’ she said with regal purr ‘I promise not to eat you just borrow ALL of your fur!’ Continued... Our hero’s shook and shivered all down their tiny spines ‘she wants to skin us both alive that’s not very kind!’ Its time for martial action artistic self defence set up the white washed canvas’ red cross hospital tents. Out of the door Chip pounced followed by Ceddy and his easel nimbly setting up the picture stand lithe just like weasels. The cat was quite astounded that the boys should make a show didn’t no what to say or do should she just hightail and go? She hissed her surprise and took one deadly swipe at the Kung Fu White Mouse Master now this was really a fight. Ceddy’s furious flashing brush strokes blurred paint and coloured oil a scene quite like no other as the fast rat artist toiled. Chip ducked avoiding certain death then shot up like a spring so very close, a whiskers breadth , it was time to do his thing… The painter was amazing His tail now had a brush a cocoon of concentration slow motion film, then silence….hush. ‘and………Action!’ Time to give this cat the chop Mum had taught him to resist Her legendary secret move The ‘Exploding Cheesy Fist!’ Chip span like a tornado On the domesticated cat whilst a whirlpool flash of colours matched the illustrating rat. Chip made sharpest Kung Fu Cry Just like Mr. Bruce Lee’s He fell upon the ginger puss And unleashed the deadly cheese. The Cheese Chop fired down tore the air like fighter jets it screamed towards the stricken cat No! not another day at the vets? With a look of sheer terror And a ghastly, horrid shriek Turned quick fled and didn’t return not even for a peek. The Chinese chop was wasted but it did the very trick, for the cat had done a runner and the cheese had hit the bricks. The painting was now finished and our friends were very rich Ceddy’s ‘David and Goliath’ sold at auction in ‘The Ritz’!!! What would they do together No need to paint and sell Just retire and soak the sun up In a lovely French hotel lets buy a Volkswagen Beetle drive to the South of France just live happily every after in new hats and fancy pants! They bought a flashy motor Frilly trousers made of satin Took the highroad west to Wales And settled for Prestatyn. The End (until..... 'The Passion of Prestatyn')