Thursday 4 July 2013

Ned the Red Bed Thief Died

There's a thief in the bed
Who painted it red
Dropped down quite dead
He was called Ned.

Render Mon

Zebidee Jones (@zebideejones) tweeted at 11:45pm - 4 Jul 13:

Render me breathless
Intuitively restless
Remind me of generous
Hazel eyes heaven express. 

sent from somewhere over here.......

Monday 3 June 2013

You know?

Ye men over here
Ye women over there
Why shame yourselves with cloth
Remove your daubs and
Hug each other for those
That can live and let love

You know me?

Ye men over here 
Ye women over there 
Return your alcohol tears
Remove your eyes
Remove your hair
And stab your victims clear

You know me?

Ye men over here 
Ye women over there 
Lets swim in sand by the pier
Your slicing knife said sorry to your wife
To me your end is near.

You know me now?

Remain near me, but i will see
Nothing of the velvet
You cleaned him with and 
Covered with him
Please put away my helmet

You all know me now....?

Saturday 25 May 2013

Drunken Bust

Drunken Bust

Drunken bust
Of stereo
Twins that must
Remind you so
Of trickling water
Tally ho
So it must end
In glittered bars
Rev me up
My petrol car... 

Tuesday 16 April 2013

Sea gull. Afterthought @zebideejones

@zebideejones: Picture this... a seagull standing proud, one foot on a battered cod, tattoos, chest puffed up, a hunters proud moment, chipshop, onlookers.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Saturday 6 April 2013

Errant Chap

There is an errant chap
Who races here
And races there
He doesn't sweat
and he doesn't flap
Just chunters along
On a rata tap tapa chat cat
Typewriting left
Typewriting right
Isn't very fat
He's ever so slight
With the energy of 5 children
caffeine speed freak all night
But he doesn't ever fret
And he doesn't ever flap
Just bundles along
On a rata tap tapa
rata chat slap dap
tappa Lap Nap
Wonders why he's been here
Before with a hat on
Just 1 fleeting thought
One of over a million
As he processes his seconds
That he rules like his minions
A drop in his time
Only one out of billions.

Wednesday 20 March 2013

Mr Babof

Oh mr babof
Why dont we fly off
Why dont we fall along the edge
Of a cloud inside your liver, oh mr babof

sent from somewhere over here.......

Neon J

A portrait of my son
The second one
An image of me
And my family

sent from somewhere over here.......

Sunday 17 March 2013

Blue Ribbons

Blue Ribbons

I accept that your blue ribbon
Falls across your neck
Blue snakes coiled and
Platted through your long grass
Your chest undulates once
As though the subsidence
Fell to order via a female
Sergeant Major, 'drop, halt'
Drilling your chest and
Slipping her drill baton
Beyond the displacement
Of earth and into your natural
Ditch, lucky bitch, swollen
Bloody pitch of bramble
Trail your ribbons once again
Snake your way through sex
Rub your shambles
Slip through your ditch
The land below your neck.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

When Your Here

When Your Here

Well I haven't seen you lately
And I haven't seen you here
And you haven't been here waiting
When you've never been so near

And I feel
And I feel
When your near
When your here


If I could not see the water
Flowing torrents in your tears
Could only see I fought her
So I couldn't see her fear

And I feel
And I feel
When your near
When your here

(Solo break)

Well you cannot see me shaking
When you sleep here on my bed
So I leave here when your waking
The only way I can defend

The Way I feel
And I feel
When your near
When your here

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Kate the Slippery Seahorse

Kate the Slippery Seahorse

Yeah won't be home
till late at this rate,
Lost my phone on roam
oh please what's my fate,
Never this tardy
Nor at this rate
She will be mardy
When I will be late,
She will have to be hardy
oh my, oh my,
Said hapless Laurel
oh what a state,
Ethical or moral?
oh what a fate
Who will be blamed
I will be, I will be
I will be shamed
If I'm late at this rate,
And will I be named
When I miss my date,
With the horse...
if I am late at this rate,
Did I say Horse?
to meet the good looking Kate
Don't tell her I said that
on our date but,
She smells like a cat
She will at this rate
Then scurry like rats
Then I'll be late,
If I don't
oh my... what...
I shan't and I wont
Be in a late date state,
Will I quiver and shake
When I'm late for Kate,
if I am late at this rate,
Will she take the bait
Like a fish in a fake
Net.. is it one of my traits,
chips salt, shake and bake
how will I wipe the slate,
With a tongue like a snake
oh mate what a state...
So let her eat cake
do you think it was fate
Will she be upset
that I should be late
She'll hiss it I bet
I'll leave Kate quite late
in a slippery state about
our late dinner date,
And who'll have the shout
When she's on all fours
about being late with clout.
Not me... and certainly not the horse.


Friday 8 March 2013

Wednesday 6 March 2013

Mother of my Children zjart

The Martial Artists (childrens story in verse)

The little white mouse sat and stared
at a wall in a big old house,

just a small crack in the skirting

perfect size for a single mouse.

With a pencil and flat paper
a rolled up measuring tape
he checked the small dimensions
for his tiny white mousey shape.

This place might just be perfect
with some paint and tiny nails
when along came a rat with
a pink wormlike, very long tail.

The rat sat and pondered
holding his super sized limb,
‘you cannot live in there’ he said,
'the nasty cat would find him.

If the pussy doesn’t get you
Then the humans here sure will
with traps, deadly rodent poison
they might even call Rentokil!

They will leave a chunk of cheese
and some crumbs upon a trap,
then wait for a little while
just to hear it go……. SNAP!’

‘not to worry’ said the mouse,
‘many thanks for the tip,
now how do you do sir rat
you can call me Mr Chip…’

‘Oh think nothing of it!’
said the colourful young rat
whilst scratching his lengthy tail,
tipping his bright purple hat.

‘The name’s Cederick La Fleur
and how do you do…
I have a lovely little studio
near the paint and the glue.’

So Chip followed Cederick
with a skip and a hop,
through the lounge and the kitchen
to his little workshop.

‘we have arrived at my place,’
said La Fleur with glee
‘its a bit of a mess…
I am an artist you see!’

Cederick spoke very trendy
said ‘hey man look a round’
whilst he chattered and pointed
telling Chip what he’d found.

There were wood saws and hammers
there were tools all around,
some screwdrivers and spanners
near some wood that was bound

Some tacks and long nails
tap, knock, hammer them through
but when all fixings fail
there’s the paint and the glue.

Chip tip toed through squinting
wiped his feet on the mat
saw great paintings and  sculptures
of mouse traps and big cats!

‘Oh my!’ and ‘oh dear!,
why do you paint things like that?’
‘Well its terribly fashionable’,
pointed out Cederick the rat.

‘I am known by collectors,
all the galleries for sure…
they all know the great name of
young Ceddy La Fleur!’

‘I sell to the Rich and the Famous’
‘Valuable?’‘erm,  oh yes very,
in fact my best customers
are Micky and Jerry!’

‘I do not know those mice at all?’
said Chip, wide-eyed with dismay,
'I’m not really into celebrities
Nor fashion these days…’

‘Don’t worry’ Ceddy told him
‘now that doesn’t really matter…
your welcome to stay a while
for some tea and a natter…'

So they settle down at Ceddy’s
for some tea and cheesecakes,
they talked cats and dogs
French fromagery makes.


Now you could be my lodger
sleep by the paint and the glue
we will have lots of fun
cos there’s plenty here to do!’

‘That’s super, smashing, great’
Chip said ‘I will move in right away,
I will clean, tidy, scrub
Bristol fashion, ship shape!’

‘Superb!’ said young Ceddy
‘I have a live in Chum!’
and measured up the mouse
with his little brown thumb.

‘I need an art assistant
a hand that you could lend.’
with a shake of the claws
they agreed and were friends.

‘Now there is only one thing,
a cat lives round the corner
just a quick friendly warning
she’s savage and ginger!

It’s the scary feline model
for my sculpture and paintings
keep out of the way
when she’s salivating…’

‘Not to worry’ said Chip,
‘I happen to know some Kung Fu
The Way of the Ancient Hamster
and throwing my shoe!’

Chip revealed all his secrets
never known by any another
the time spent in China
being trained by his mother!

‘I lived there many years
Fan Yen Fooey was my mum,
she was eating fortune cookies
When I fell from her tum!’

The cookies predicted
Chip will be a very special boy
A mini martial artist
No fluffy feline toy!

‘I am known as Mr Chip Wong Fooey
The Crown White Mouse Master’
I am hard as iron nails
No oriental is faster!’

So the pair began a plotting
On fat cat domination
to stop the vicious tabby,
for artistic salvation!

Before they finished planning
A purr vibrated through them
The pad of ragged paws……
‘PANIC stations’ in tandem.

‘Run into the workshop,
And bolt up the door!’
They jumped under the table
And lay on the floor…

‘must face up to that cat,’
said Chip pale faced…
'…I was caught by surprise,
and my little heart raced….

I will run out of the door,
use my mums secret chop,
the ‘Exploding Cheese’ strike
will make moggy drop!’

‘tremendous’ voiced Ceddy,
‘get out my brushes, canvas, paint
I will capture you in action
should be one of the greats.’

‘A David and Goliath,
or George and the Dragon!
I will sell it at auction
We can buy a Volkswagen!’

Excited the duo spied
through the workshop wall
to see if the cat was outside,
if she was out there at all.

Licking great big paws
clawing hard at the mat
a fully flabby, feline fortress,
warlike savage tabby cat!

‘Come on out my little rodents’
she said with regal purr
‘I promise not to eat you
just borrow ALL of your fur!’

Our hero’s shook and shivered
all down their tiny spines
‘she wants to skin us both alive
that’s not very kind!’

Its time for martial action
artistic self defence
set up the white washed canvas’
red cross hospital tents.

Out of the door Chip pounced
followed by Ceddy and his easel
nimbly setting up the picture stand
lithe just like weasels.

The cat was quite astounded
that the boys should make a show
didn’t no what to say or do
should she just hightail and go?

She hissed her surprise
and took one deadly swipe
at the Kung Fu White Mouse Master
now this was really a fight.

Ceddy’s furious flashing brush strokes
blurred paint and coloured oil
a scene quite like no other
as the fast rat artist toiled.

Chip ducked avoiding certain death
then shot up like a spring
so very close, a whiskers breadth ,
it was time to do his thing…

The painter was amazing
His tail now had a brush
a cocoon of concentration
slow motion film, then silence….hush.


Time to give this cat the chop
Mum had taught him to resist
Her legendary secret move
The ‘Exploding Cheesy Fist!’

Chip span like a tornado
On the domesticated cat
whilst a whirlpool flash of colours
matched the illustrating rat.

Chip made sharpest Kung Fu Cry
Just like Mr. Bruce Lee’s
He fell upon the ginger puss
And unleashed the deadly cheese.

The Cheese Chop fired down
tore the air like fighter jets
it screamed towards the stricken cat
No! not another day at the vets?

With a look of sheer terror
And a ghastly, horrid shriek
Turned quick fled and didn’t return
not even for a peek.

The Chinese chop was wasted
but it did the very trick,
for the cat had done a runner
and the cheese had hit the bricks.

The painting was now finished
and our friends were very rich
Ceddy’s ‘David and Goliath’
sold at auction in ‘The Ritz’!!!

What would they do together
No need to paint and sell
Just retire and soak the sun up
In a lovely French hotel

lets buy a Volkswagen Beetle
drive to the South of France
just live happily every after
in new hats and fancy pants!

They bought a flashy motor
Frilly trousers made of satin
Took the highroad west to Wales
And settled for Prestatyn.

The End (until..... 'The Passion of Prestatyn')